Have you ever noticed how after you have shared some time with someone special, someone with who you have a real affinity with and with whom you just “click”, that your spirit feels so high? You leave the person “buzzing” with warmth and really a real sense of love and joy within you?
It may have been a while since you have had this experience? I know that when I am busy working with clients for example I experience this “buzz” and joy often. I can be feeling flat, low and generally energy-drained, and then along comes my client. Fast forward an hour or so and after some quality time connecting and talking on a soul level, a real open-heart conversation, I feel ALIVE! On fire in fact!
Of course there are also occasions when you can be spending time with someone and leave their company feeling no different at all, or sometimes worse! If you take time to reflect upon the QUALITY of the connection fostered during that time, it will give you good explanation as to why you feel as you do.
Either yourself, or that person, may be so busy “in their head”, thinking of a million different things they need to and have to do, that they are not really “there”. Of course it will be impossible to feel any sense of connection in this instance.
In another example, one of you may be (unconsciously), so focused on how different you or they are to their company that they feel a real and growing sense of separateness. This had become a common societal trait in fact; for us to focus so much on how we are different from everyone else, others, “them”.
So why is it that I have felt compelled to contemplate and discuss this point today?
Well, one of my greatest passions lies in studying ways in which we can all feel happier, healthier and more fulfilled. Having my own history of unhappiness (as we ALL do!), I have a deep compassion for helping others to learn ways in which they too can discover their own path to true happiness and health. Having had a taste (or shall I say banquet?), of how good it feels to be happy, healthy and energetic every day, I now dedicate my life to sharing the information and strategies that I continue to discover that really make a difference to my life, and now, that of my clients.
The contrast for me in going from an ongoing and underlying sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction to living in a “bubble of bliss” was so profound and so insightful that I simply HAD o share my journey!
This journey continues every single day and I love it! So I have found myself reading the Dalai Lama’s book, “The Art Of Happiness in a Troubled World”. One of the very first thing’s this book discusses is this sense of connection to others. The Dalai Lama, as a demonstration of this notion, poses the very question that titles this article, “Do you know your neighbour?”
As the discussion in the book progressed, it became startlingly apparent to me that this is one area in which I KNOW without doubt affects my level of happiness at any one time; the level of connection I am feeling to other human beings. It is such a simple, yet incredibly profound concept to check in with.
How connected am I feeling to others? How different am I feeling to others?
Upon pondering this simple notion, take time to consider how you can profoundly increase your level of day to day happiness (and health) by firstly taking a conscious awareness of the level of connection you are feeling to others in each day, and then taking conscious action to foster this if necessary.
See, for this to really work, it requires a real sense of responsibility; a real notion that it is YOU who can change this experience for yourself. Not them, or someone else. Once you fall into the habit of “blame” or even denial, there is no-one who can help you there.
And see, it is much simpler to approach when you take this concept down to just one person at a time. By YOU reaching out to connect with another, you increase the happiness of not just yourself but the other. If this person “pays it forward” then you have a domino, or ripple effect, start to occur. We all know how contagious happiness can be and how good we can feel simply being in the presence of someone who is naturally upbeat, genuinely happy.
And it is without doubt that by feeling a sense of connection to another human being, you WILL feel a GENUINE sense of happiness that lifts your spirit, heightens your mood, energises your day (yes even at that 3-4pm slump), boosts your immune system and improves your general mental well being. Yes, it really is the best medicine, psychotherapy and counselling you could ever invest in!
TRULY opening up to another being and allowing yourself to feel truly connected. This in itself is a challenge. To really open up and really be who you are. Perhaps it may even be one of our greatest challenges today? To address this factor would in itself require an entire article, so I will leave that for some other time.
What I will leave you with however are some strategies and ideas to help YOU improve your level of day to day happiness NOW in a simple and effective manner.
1)Be AWARE of your level of connection to other human beings. How deep is this connection? How TRUE is the interaction? This matters and I would argue that despite feeling connected through online means- Facebook, Twitter, etc- the DEPTH of the connections can be limited and not as satisfying as true heartfelt connection that comes from eye-contact and human presence. Of course YOU will know whether or not these connections satisfy you on a DEEP level, simply by honestly checking in with yourself.
2)Become aware of your openness when with another. Are you genuinely being yourself? Are you allowing yourself to be open? Being open requires that you feel safe with another as it carries a notion of vulnerability. I have learned that there is no way to be truly connected to another if you do not, at some level, allow yourself to be vulnerable to the real potential that this person could hurt you. That is also why TRUE satisfaction of human connection can be few and far between as we increasingly feel unsafe to be ourselves. So check in with the number of connections you experience on a day to day basis in which you truly feel free to BE YOURSELF. Is there a way to foster and grow this type of interaction?
3)Take action on connecting. Awareness will do little without action following suit. Once you become aware, it is time to ponder what you can and will do to change this experience for yourself, if necessary. One of the greatest things we can do as humans to increase our sense of connection to others is to remember that ultimately we ARE all human beings, so in many, many ways, more the same than we are different. When you take the conscious choice to focus more on what you have in COMMON with others, the better you will feel and the closer bonds that are able to develop. Make it a habit to consciously look for how you are the same as someone else. Foster true compassion, rather than intolerance, for others. As any habit, this takes daily practice and reflection. This perspective will give you MANY new-found opportunities to connect with others. If you live a relatively isolated life, get out and find groups to join, functions to attend. When you are amongst people look for the ways in which you are the same. Again, I am not purporting that this is a walk in the park! I know that probably not until last year did I really learn what it meant to TRULY open up to another. First at a one on one level (in my personal relationship), then at a GROUP level (with a group I joined). I can tell you though; all it takes is practice and continuing to put yourself out of your comfort zone, little by little. Now I feel so open-hearted and so connected that I cannot imagine how I thought I was happy before! No wonder I had moments of great despair and loneliness….
And this is the very reason I felt compelled to discuss this notion today. I have been there. I do know what it’s like and I do know how much more happy, healthy and fulfilled one can feel simply by learning to open up and connect!
Health and happiness are not superficial issues. The real answers, the real remedies, all lie beneath the foam. They are to be found in the deep….
As the title implies however….perhaps all it takes is getting to know your neighbour? Maybe you can start there?
How easy is that?!
Have fun connecting :)
As always, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts/comments/responses on the above article.
Feel free to email me at bridget@newleafnutrition.com.au
BridgetJane
Food Body Lifestyle Guru
Writer, Speaker, Consultant
www.newleafnutrition.com.au
"Your health is everything...Discover your TRUE health potential"
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