It's all about being your own BF

I have discussed this concept so many times with clients I swore I had written about it before! Perhaps I have too but for now I cannot locate where, so it seems I will explore the idea here and now...

A real theme of late in sessions with clients, and indeed in my own life too, has been all about the intriguing dynamic that exists between a person and themselves. That relationship in which you relate to YOU.... yourself...

We never really stop to reflect consciously on the alliance, or lack thereof, between the person we spend the most time with...They say we become who we hang around most, and I argue that YOU are who you spend the predominant amount of your time with, so stop now and reflect on how that is working for you...

Observe how you speak to yourself.

Are you kind, supportive, nurturing, encouraging, honest, compassionate and forgiving?

Or are you judgemental, harsh, cold, critical, closed and deceptive?

My experience has been that when I stop in the moments I am feeling the most stressed, most down, most lost, most scared, most defeated, most ugly, most fat, most useless, most unworthy.....the voice I hear speaking to me is indeed of the latter kind.

When I started exploring this idea with clients, they too reported the same observations. Predominantly their own voice to themselves was terribly nasty, hurtful and one that they would wish to avoid as much as possible.

Isn't that interesting? The person we often need to escape from most is ourselves. No wonder we have come to depend on so many distractions, comforts and "buffers"; external things that make life with ourselves much more tolerable and bearable.

Television, chocolate, bad relationships, dramas, excessive exercise, work, alcohol, food.....We all have our "bandaids" of choice...the things we immerse ourselves in with abandon so that we can avoid, at all costs ourselves.

Ahhhhhh.....

Now, entertain me for a moment and imagine what life would be like IF you decided to start afresh with yourself...

Let's go back to when you were 5 or 6....you are at school in the playground and the teacher walks up to you with another, obviously new student.

She says,

"Hi (your name here). This is (your name here). She/he is new and I am wondering if you can please be kind to her/him and show her/him around. Please, can you take him/her by the hand, be a lovely friend and get to know her/him simply by spending some time with him/her. I think you will really like each other. You have a lot in common and I thought you would be excellent friends! It is SO nice to have a friend with whom you can share everything, especially the scary parts of life!"

With that, the teacher leaves you standing there looking at this other child. You are immediately curious and ever eager to have a playmate, so with that you do offer your hand and get on with the very important business of having FUN together and simply being yourselves...!

So.... how does that sound?

May seem corny, strange, weird, whatever....! Let me just say this though....

This ONE relationship will MAKE or BREAK you....

This ONE relationship will forever effect and impact every other relationship you ever dare to have...

This ONE relationship will permanently "colour" how you see and experience life....

This ONE relationship is the very and ONLY one you need to work most hard on...

When you can engage with YOU in a loving, nurturing, fun, open, supportive and kind way, the WHOLE world will be your playground!

You will have confidence that no matter what happens you have a friend- the VERY BEST- by your side. You will have someone to turn to when you need advice, are scared, lonely, depressed, anxious, stuck, overwhelmed...

This ONE relationship will bring to your life EVERYTHING you seek outside of yourself, IF ONLY you allow it to....

It is curious that we have entered into a world in which there are more distractions and stimulations than ever before....we have EVERY option and opportunity to AVOID getting to know us....to AVOID spending time with us....and, I believe, this is the root cause of most of our suffering today...

Please, if you do NOTHING else on your quest to be happier, healthier, thinner, more attractive, fit, rich, whatever.....Please spend some time getting to know YOU...

Make time and space to LISTEN....to allow yourself the opportunity to speak openly and honestly....confess all your innermost fears, shames and guilts....get it all out...let it all out...Learn that unconditional love means knowing all of this and still loving anyway....

I promise your world WILL be instantly transformed as you forge a beautiful bond between you and yourself.....

Let me know how you go on your journey in getting to know, and LOVE, you....

LOTS OF LOVE,

BridgetJane

Food Body Lifestyle Guru

www.newleafnutrition.com.au

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

I hope you stop and take 5 minutes to read this, I promise you will feel ENRICHED and ADJUSTED afterwards :)

Thank you to a very lovely friend for sharing this with me I am VERY APPRECIATIVE!

I have another email entitled something like, "The 5 Secrets to Life"...it contains amazing Slide show to beautiful music that I have shared before in my Email Newsletter (New Leaf BITES) and absolutely gives me goosebumps every time I watch it!!

I carry that slidehow with me in my heart and mind every step of my journey here on earth...

Here is another beautiful "reminder" of a similar sentiment...

If you are interested in the slide show I am speaking of, please email me :) Or join my e-newlsetter at www.newleafnutrition.com.au and access the archives :)

Remember though...LIFE IS NOW....and it IS ALL GOOD.....! :)

LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL!

xoxoxo

BridgetJane

Food Body Lifestyle Guru

www.newleafnutrition.com.au

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me - This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard - This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings - Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends - Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier - This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.

Choose happiness.

The Power & Impact of Words

I never tire of reminders about just how special, important and impactful words can be, and the treasure of true heart expression. Often we are too sheepish or shy to express how we really feel about someone and often we forget how much these words can mean and make a difference to others...

I like this simple reminder...Go on...take every opportunity you can to let others know what magic you see in them...let it also serve as a reminder that words are powerful in the opposite degree just as MUCH or MORESO...

Don Migual Ruiz in The Four Agreements (amazing book which has had a LASTING impact on me that I recommend to ALL my clients!) talks about being "Impeccable with your Word"....indeed so...

LOTS OF LOVE to you all! xoxoxoxo

"Too Busy for a Friend?

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Iraq and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.

If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

May Your Day Be Blessed You are Special!"

What LOVELY thing could you do today to have this impact on someone else?

I often do mentoring work with the Beacon Foundation and there is one especially beautiful exercise we do with the girls that is very similar to this...

We pin pieces of A4 coloured paper to the backs of each girl and everyone moves around the room to write something they like or admire about each person...

It is a beautiful exercise in which people feel safe to express themselves because of the anonymity...

Watching the girls faces as they read their paper once the exercise is done is priceless...! I LOVE IT!

Anyway, I try to be mindful of truly expressing how I feel about others no matter how silly I think they might think I am...it gets easier too, by the way...to tell others you love them and what you especially admire about them! :)

I send little cards here and there as I think of people, random texts/emails....just something that says, "Thinking of You" is often enough to give someone else a warm, fuzzy feeling that leaves them feeling that they ARE important and someone in the world thought so enough to let them know :)

Give it a go! :)

One word of caution here though...I learnt through early experiences that you must truly check in with your intention when you do reach out to express yourself in such ways...it is important to have NO EXPECTATIONS around the person you are communicating to reciprocating, or even acknowledging you or thanking you for your gesture. Often people do mean to say thank you or reply, but they just get busy and forget...sometimes they are unable to send the same feelings back...whatever the case you will only set yourself up for hurt if you have any (even SUBCONSCIOUS) expectations around a response of any kind..

When I send these thoughts to others I do so knowing it could be one way, they could think I'm a nutter and they may not reply at all....I have made true peace with that and know that to me it is most important that I express how I feel no matter what :)

I have let go of any expectations and simply choose to love and express freely! It feels GOOD! :)

LOTSA LOVE,

BridgetJane

Food Body Lifestyle Guru

www.newleafnutrition.com.au