Yesterday I received the following "Everyday Calm" email from Total Balance.
"Is gratitude enough?
Sometimes themes appear with my clients. Not obvious ones like everyone feeling a bit less energetic because of the cold weather - but more subtle things. This week's theme was that people feel they should be more grateful for what they have.
Gratitude is such an important part of Positive Psychology but sometimes it's not enough.
It is important to bring your attention to what's going well in your life but it's equally important to acknowledge what isn't.
Mindfulness is about learning to be present to your experience - to notice and acknowledge your feelings and thoughts (good and bad), without judgement.
In a way, this is contradictory to the experience of expressing gratitude - which many people find confusing.
There must be room for both gratitude and acceptance in our lives.
For the most part, our brains have a negative bias, so many of us have a tendency toward pessimistic thinking. Which is why practicing gratitude is important. But it's unrealistic to always be optimistic and positive. And for anyone who's spent too much time with a 'Pollyanna' type, you'll agree that it's downright annoying.
Life will always be a blend of suffering and joy.
Sometimes we need to just go with our experiences as they arise. And feel them for what they are.
By all means ask the question 'is there anything I want to change?'. But don't beat yourself up if you don't feel gratitude for every moment of the day.
Life sucks some days. And that's ok."
You can see the Total Balance blog here
Then, browsing through Facebook, as I do, I stumbled upon a message thread of the following content:
"Reality Check- Putting things into Perspective
We all know people that complain about anything and everything. Things like "I don't have enough money, I feel fat, I want that new designer handbag, my boyfriend perves all the time" and it goes on and on. Admittedly, I have been guilty of wishing for tiny silly little things as well. The past few days has been a massive dose of reality. It has really rocked me to the core.
A family friend that I grew up with last week got told that her husband has between 2 weeks and 2 months to live at a best case scenario. Cancer! She is in her late 30s and he is early 40s so not old! She is such an amazing strong person that has had to tell her kids that their dad is dying and also remain strong for her husband.
She has put on such a brave front and has inspired me. I would have honestly fallen apart. Instead she is organising funeral and taking on all responsibilities of the house and children whilst trying to spend as much time with her husband. It has given me a sense of clarity and really made me look at myself and things that I take for granted especially family.
I wanted to share this so that each of us can look at our lives and cherish every moment we have together. Cause while we go to sleep wishing for a new car or to shed 5kgs, my friend goes to sleep wishing for another good day with the man she loves.
Puts everything into perspective doesn't it!!!!"
Some comments added to the original message were:
"My best friends dad was the man on the bike hit and dragged by the car at _____ over the weekend. It's a miracle he is alive. And your right, it gives you a huge reality check. "
"Definitely agree. A lady at work just last week had her daughter die with a brain tumour that no-one knew about, no warning nothing, gone at 44, two kids under ten left behind."
"I got tears reading this. Perspective really matters. For the 3 months little ___ was in hospital, especially the first couple of weeks, when we didn't know if he was going to make it, I got SO mad just reading people's Facebook status's, thinking to myself, "You people have NO IDEA about what really matters, that's just STUPID." I got quite angry about it, but felt bad for feeling that way and thinking those things. My thoughts are with your friends, and heartfelt wishes for the time they have together to be the best and most loving it can be xo"
"Yes, we really have no problems at all...nothing to whinge about...you are so right...
I pondered the same idea Monday when I texted a client a little hello msg for no particular reason and she texted me back telling me her mum had had a heart attack and a stroke...
We are so lucky for everyday and should remember this all throughout our days....its easy to be great when things are great, but our real test lies in being ok, when things are not going our way....its important to stay composed when all those little irritations pop up, remembering just how lucky we really are..."
So all of this whirred around in my head yesterday as I reflected upon gratitude, presence and perspective...
I became quite a good, detached observer of myself yesterday noticing my becoming very irritated at being the 30th or so car stuck behind a seemingly blissfully unaware Winnebago cruiser idling along at under 80km/hr in a single laned, double-lined 100km/hr zone.....!
The above Facebook message's echoed through my head and although I allowed myself to be slightly annoyed, I took a few deep breaths and thought about the poor families and people who were involved in all of the above cases.
I started to look at the situation I was PRESENTLY in with gratitude. This potentially irritating situation was simply an opportunity to grow my soul and be in alignment with my heart. The gift was a lesson in patience. One of my most significant and valuable soul journey's...I have noticed this theme over and over in my life and everyday I am now noticing opportunities to evolve to higher spiritual levels, by demonstrating patience.
Just this morning I was impressed with how easily and smoothly I handled another potential irritation of the really "not-so-important" type...You know those task's that require you to call an AUTOMATED service, be put on hold for 20 minutes, just so the person on the other line can tell you they can't help you, what you want simply can't be done, then you ask to speak to the supervisor, get put on hold for another 15 minutes, calmly explain your situation to the all powerful supervisor, get put back on hold for another 15 minutes, THEN, lo-and-behold, in fact you CAN get what you want.....you just need to be NICE, PATIENT and keep your cool....! :)It also helps to look at all the time on hold as an opportunity to read those mag's you never have time for, or do some housework, or paint your nails! ;p Oh, the possibilities!
This might sound like a silly example but look at the potential scenario's:
1) You are rude, blow your top, spend almost an hour on the phone, DON'T get what you want and DON'T get anything else done either= WASTED TIME, ANGER, FRUSTRATION and STRESS CHEMISTRY firing off in your body (who does that hurt????.....)
2) You are calm, speak to the operator as though they are a human being, remain understanding, pleasant yet firm in your request, do other things while you wait patiently, DON'T get what you want, BLOW your top then = time not wasted but stress chemistry still firing off and affecting you
3) You are calm, speak to the operator as though they are a human being, remain understanding, pleasant yet firm in your request, do other things while you wait patiently, DO eventually get what you want, or don't, but don't take it personally and simply ACCEPT that is the way it is and perhaps there is some other way you can tackle this challenge= time not wasted, valuable soul tests passed with flying colours and nothing but healthy, happy chemistry buzzing on inside you leaving you feeling at peace and in your power!
This can only be good in every respect from a body, mind AND soul perspective!
As Sonia Choquette "channels" in her excellent book "Soul Lessons and Soul Purpose" (HIGHLY recommended read),
"It is easy to believe you are a Divine Immortal Soul when everything goes according to your wants and desires. It is more difficult to remember your Inner Being's purpose and power, and to remain connected to your Higher Self and centered, when life becomes demanding. It is only when you confront all situations with grace, patience and love that you find your strength and ultimate freedom, and gratitude to living in harmony with your Greater Consciousness."
Wow....powerful stuff.
So yes, the past week has been incredibly valuable for me in soul growth. Everyday I am confronted with situations that require patience, grace, love and compassion, both in my inner and outer worlds. Yes, please don't think that it's just these "petty" little scenario's that have made me reflect on all of this...as I said these are themes for my life entire life right now...
We must always remember that what we are perceiving and experiencing in our outer world is simply a projection of what is going on within us.
If we are harsh, impatient, resistant and judgemental with the outside world, then you can be guaranteed that is exactly how you are engaging with yourself in your inner world. That, my friends, can only hurt YOU. Negativity and resistance of ANY type translates as STRESS in the body. Small amounts of stress are fine, possibly productive and healthy, yet consistent, ongoing and habitual stress responses are the ones that really do the damage. As they say it's not what we do SOME of the time that matters, it's what we do MOST of the time...a tendency towards reactive and negative ways of being will ultimately hurt you...
I am fascinated with how what goes on in our minds affects our body and spirit, and ultimately creates health and energy, or illness and struggle.
What I do know is that we are ultimately the creators of our world. That does not mean necessarily that we are responsible for everything that happens to us, or around us, rather that we CHOOSE how we will allow these things to impact on us, thereby creating the reality we experience.
If we go back to the original Facebook message regarding the poor woman who is faced with losing her young husband and father to her children. Did she create his cancer? Did he create his cancer? Very controversial questions that I would ever attempt to answer...
What I DO know is, this woman has CHOSEN to face the facts of what is going on in her physical world, no matter how unfair, with ACCEPTANCE. She inherently realises the futility of anger, grief and victim-hood status and instead chooses to make every moment count. In each moment love can be felt and true joy experienced.
That my friends is how presence, gratitude and perspective have played out for me this week.
What are your thoughts?
Love and health to you all xoxo
BridgetJane
Food Body Lifestyle Guru
www.newleafnutrition.com.au
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